5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
