this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
