I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
