I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
