I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
