I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
