You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
