The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
