her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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