and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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