Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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