why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
