I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
