Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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