Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
