we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
