oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
