Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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