she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
