thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
