you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize