Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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