Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
