Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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