Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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