I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
