GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
