why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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