did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
