Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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