Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
