just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
