The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
