Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
