explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
