Sponge bath it is.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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