Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
