1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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