I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
