When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize