thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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