U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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