she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
