I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
