I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
