you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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