so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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