We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
