five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
the raccoons are back...
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