"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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