I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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