Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
