If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
