Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Sext me about skeletons
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
