I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
