____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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