I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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