There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
