I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
