By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
