Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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