Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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