we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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