What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
