I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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