I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
