Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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