smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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