Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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