Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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