I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
