some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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