Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
