and you said cock pushups were impossible
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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