if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
