i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize