your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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