saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
