So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
