she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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