Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
These tits shall not be calmed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
