i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
