If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
