i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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